Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
