So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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