I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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