You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
