See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
