I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
