so that wasnt chicken after all
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
