Moan for me like Helen Keller
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
