I am in a vortex of obligation.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
