Four minutes until I can fart!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The power of my boobs compel you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
