Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
