the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
