My underwear smells like fireworks.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
