i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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