I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
