We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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