This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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