I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
people are starting to question the shark bite story
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
