I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Someone shit on the floor
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
