How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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