I'm so fucking centered right now
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
