i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
