This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
