Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
