somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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