I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
