he shaved USA in his pubs
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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