Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
