I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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