if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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