U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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