drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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