i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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