On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
that's an acceptable place to lick
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
