i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
