Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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