So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
