he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Randomize
