yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
