So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
