Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like