I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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