My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
