OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sorry about my life...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
