I am in a vortex of obligation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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