I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
