After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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