I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
