If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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