Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
