Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
