you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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