So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
