Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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