Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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