She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
