I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
