so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
