Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
