Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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